Three years ago, Easter Sunday was when our fifth miscarriage started.
April 20, 2014
I’m kind of at a loss for words and not really sure what to write and make sense so I’m just going to write and see what comes out…
I’m so incredibly thankful on this April 20th but I have so many mixed emotions I don’t know how to express them. The memories pop up on Facebook and it was a good day three years ago spending time with family and as I look back at the pictures that pop up they’re good but they are mixed with so much sadness. I get sad thinking that earlier that week we saw our precious baby on the ultrasound, heart beating away, and the next day I would go to the doctor again and find out that beautiful little baby heartbeat stopped beating and my body would, once again, begin the miscarriage process.
I’m thankful because so many prayers have been answered and so many words spoken over me have began to come to fruition. There is so much JOY in being able to talk to the Lord and hear Him and then SEE Him work.
April 20, 2017
This April 20th I was awoken by sweet baby talk from the other room. JOY
This April 20th I was greeted in the bathroom by my big girl who had a good nights sleep and is almost always happy in the mornings. JOY
This April 20th hubby brought little man into the bathroom wearing the hat from when he was born. JOY
This April 20th I can celebrate that the Lord has fulfilled His promise to us. JOY
This April 20th I can celebrate that my HOPE is in Him. JOY
This April 20th I may be sad and I may think about the babies we have lost, but I can find JOY in knowing they are with the Lord.
This April 20th I can rest assured that my life is in His hands and that He has held me close through all of my sorrow and JOY.
This April 20th I know that He hears my prayers and answered them in his perfect timing and will continue to answer my prayers in His perfect timing. JOY
This April 20th I may have sadness in my heart over what once was but I also have JOY over what is to come.
Joy over seeing those little babies again. Joy over seeing who both our rainbow babies are becoming. Joy over how the Lord will continue to use this pain for His goodness and glory. Joy over being able to celebrate his love and grace and mercy and goodness.
We sang this song three years ago on Easter Sunday and have sang it each year since. I hear the song and it makes me tear up for two reasons; 1.) because we sang it that day three years ago on Easter Sunday and it makes me think of that lost baby and 2.) because WITH HIM there IS endless joy and perfect peace and when we see Him face to face someday all of this earthly pain will finally cease. Hallelujah.