Well this morning, like usual, I woke up to my buzzing and jingling phone alarm clock and hit snooze a few times. After a night of not much sleep, once again, I was not ready for my feet to hit the floor. So naturally, like most people do these days, I pick up my phone and take a scroll through Facebook before I get up. This morning my “Facebook Memories” popped up first thing on my feed. In those memories were memories from two years ago.
Most people probably don’t remember what they were doing two years ago on this day without looking at this lovely little app. I know I didn’t but thanks to Facebook, now I did. Most days I love those memories and I would share every single one if I knew it wouldn’t drive my friends crazy! (I know those memories don’t mean the same to everyone else like they do me.) But today, was a day that I wasn’t excited to see. My stomach dropped a little bit when I opened the memories.
The day itself in general was good. I mean it was Easter Sunday. We had a day full of celebrating Jesus’ resurrection and family time planned. It was bright and sunny outside and we had beautiful weather so all the little cousins could go outside and play together and take a beautiful walk to the pasture.
That day for our family was the start of our fifth – and last – miscarriage. That morning I woke up and didn’t feel quite right. I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and had just seen the heartbeat at our ultrasound the week before so I hoped for the best but knew something wasn’t quite right. Derek could tell something was up as he asked me several times if I was ok throughout the day also. We did all the things we had planned on doing and I knew I’d be going to the doctor the next morning to get things checked out… We all know how the story ends so I won’t continue on. (If you don’t know, go here to read my first post about our journey.)
Thankfully today has been a day of reminders of God’s Grace and Redemption and His Power and lots of jabs and pokes and wiggles from the little one growing inside of me.
I wish I could say this morning when I saw those pictures that I could tell you I prayed that the Lord would take those negative thoughts from that day out of my head, but I didn’t. I wish I could tell you that I opened my bible and came across these amazing verses that spoke right to my heart about His grace, but I didn’t. I wish I could tell you that as I rolled (quite literally) out of bed and slowly stood up I thanked God for the baby growing inside of me, but I didn’t.
But you know what? Even though I didn’t do those things, God still loves me.
He has shown His love to me today by not allowing my mind to go down that dark path of thinking about loss. He has protected me.
He has given me plenty of reminders of how grateful and excited I am to have this little miracle growing inside of me. (Talking about my shower coming up in a few weeks, sharing stories with my sister about baby wiggles, and most of all watching my stomach shift and move. And thank you Facebook and IG friends for being excited with me and ‘liking’ my video.) He’s shown me – and given me – His promise.
I have seen favor in this pregnancy from Him over and over again. He has shown me His Grace.
That morning two years ago in church we sang the song by Tim Hughes called Happy Day. Every time we sing this song I get a little choked up because it brings me back to this day, but the truth of this song is incredible and that chokes me up too! What a Happy Day we can have because HE is ALIVE! He is with me! He has rescued me!
Once again, I just have to say I am thankful for this path that the Lord has lead us down. Although, not ideal according to me, it is perfect; perfect in accordance to His plan.
Today I challenge you this. Take refuge in Him. Take refuge in Him and He will shield you. He will be your protector (without even asking!!). His way is perfect.