Well, today marks the one year mark of when I heard the dreadful words from the doctor. “I’m sorry, there is no longer a heartbeat.” I can’t believe it’s been one year already! Some of the emotions are so raw it feels like just yesterday but so many of the emotions have been pushed back and overcome with joy and gratitude for other things God has done in our lives over the last year.
Do I still have hard days? Absolutely. Do I still think about the what ifs? Absolutely. Do I still love God and celebrate the things that He has done in my life because of our losses? Absolutely. I know He did not cause these miscarriages to happen and I know that all things work for His good.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
One thing that I’ve really had to learn the last year through everything was that I need to just let go and let God-that is SO hard! It’s so hard to just say ok, God, I know You got this and I trust You. But in the end it is so worth it! He knows what promises He has for my life; I’ve had a glimpse of them and I’m excited to see what’s next.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
I’m still not sure if we will expand our family but that’s not for me to decide right now. If God wants us to, He will present the opportunity-whether that be naturally, through adoption, or other routes. I am trusting in HIM and right now, that’s ok with me.
As you listen to this song, what mountains are in front of you? Are you ready to shift your eyes to Him and watch that mountain be thrown into the midst of the sea? Each day may bring new mountains but keep your eyes on Him and His promises will be revealed to you. And oh so worth it. I promise.